The Lord of the Rings Malara's Way!
by Malara
Summary: We ALL knew something would go wrong when Elrond sent hobbits to Mordor. What happens when Malara is in charge! Chapter 6 is up: The Telletubies sing, everyone runs away, and Malara is sent to the funny farm! So is it the end? Who knows? I don't.
1. The Crazy Council

Tittle: Lord of the Rings... my way!!!  
  
By: Malara  
  
Rating: PG. There is no sick humor. It's just a parody.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR. If I did, the movie would be a lot like this fic, so it's probably a good thing that I don't own it.  
  
Stuff You Should Know: I like almost everyone in Lord of the Rings, and certainly everyone in this story. If you are offended by anything that is written here, all I can say is that I didn't mean to offend you, and I just wrote it for fun. I like LOTR, but sometimes it's fun to take a break from writing serious stuff and write light, funny stuff.  
  
Enjoy!!  
  
CHAPTER ONE: THE CRAZY COUNCIL  
  
Many, many years ago (when your history teacher was young), there was a council with a great deal of important (and strange) people. Gandalf, who arranged the entire thing, planned on the council being an important meating where the Fate of the Ring would be decided.

Of course, with Elrond in charge, who knows what might happen?

Elrond made his beginning speech. "We are all gathered here today to discuss the fate of....... Braided hair. All right, well, - yes, what is it, Gandalf?"

Gandalf said, "I think we should be talking about the One Ring instead. After all, that is why we are having the council in the first place."

"Gandalf, are you deaf? I just told everybody we were having this council to discuss the fate of braided hair! Besides, I don't see a ring anywhere?

Gandalf turned to look at Frodo, who asked why everybody was looking at him. Gandalf sighed.

Legolas broke the silence. "I want to keep the Ring. It will look soooooooooooooooooo cute with this pick outfit!", but Boromir had a problem with that. "NO!!! I WANT IT!!! I AM A PRINCE, AND I RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Aragorn didn't care either. He said, "All I want is to bug Ellie. Guess what!! I'm going to marry his daughter!"  
  
Elrond said, "NO, YOU'RE NOT!!!!!!!!!! Do you like my hair? I love putting knots in it!"

Gandalf tried to get everybody back onto the top of the Ring, but Frodo declaired that he wanted an orange. Sam replied with his famous line, "Pots! Pots, pots, pots!"  
  
Legolas said, "Be quiet! You're loud voice is messing up my hair!"  
  
"Well, you are the loudest, elf! All I want are pretzels, and I'm not disturbing anyone, like you are," Gimli argued for the sake of it.

Frodo turned to the dwarf and asked if he had any oranges because Sam ate all of his orange.

"No, I didn't! Gollum set me up!" Sam protested.

"And people wonder why I have gray hair... Four more years until retirement... four more years until retirement…" Gandalf muttered. He looked around, and saw Elrond talking to Legolas.  
  
"Anyway, you take the lock of hair like this and twist it like this…"

Frodo walked over to Aragorn, and asked if he had any oranges.

Aragorn said, "Nope! But I bet Ellie does! Let's go raid the kitchen! Elendil!" Aragorn grabed his sword and waved it around his face, screaming a war cry. Frodo slowly followed him.

Gandalf contuined to mutter to himself, saying, "All I asked for was a council so we could decided what to do with the Ring. This is ridiculous…"

Suddenly, a loud noise came from the kicthen. Frodo yelped and came back to the council.

Gimli said to no one in particular," Is Aragorn in the kitchen? I'm going to see if there are any pretzels there. But I suppose elven pretzels taste worse than dwarven pretzels."

Boromir added, "But pretzels from Minas Tirth are the best." Then Legolas said, "How dare you offend elven lembas!"

"Elf, for such big ears, you sure can't hear anything!" Gimli said irritated. "We're not talking about lembas. We're talking about pretzels!"

Legolas looked confused as he said, "Huh?"

Sam said quietly to Frodo, "Blondes are SO dumb! Don't you think so, Mr. Frodo?"

Frodo looked at him strangely, then said, Uh, Sam, you ARE blonde.

Sam agreed happily. "That's my point!"

Gimli said, "Young hobbit, even though you ARE a blonde, no one is stupider than elves."

Legolas jumped up. "How dare you offend me!"

Frodo said nervously, "Uh, Legolas, we were not talking about you, we were talking about... um, Men! Yes, Men, not elves!"

Boromir said sadly, "I'm on your side, Mr. Frodo."  
  
"That's copyrighted, you know!" Frodo said. "You can't steal Sam's line from Sam!"  
  
Boromir replied (rather loudly), "I AM PRINCE!! I CAN SAY WHAT I WISH TO SAY!!"

Aragorn quickly replied, "You are NOT prince; I am going become King in order to marry Ellie's daughter because he said I could if I became king, and you can't spoil my plans because I have a ring with snakes eating each other!!"

Elrond said he didn't say that, and Aragorn jumped up.  
  
"You liar! I am going to kill you!" He stood up and pointed his sword at Elrond. Elrond struck back in fear. "Hello! My name is Aragorn, son of Arathorn! You killed my father! Prepare to die!"

Elrohir walked up behind Aragorn. "Dad didn't kill your father, that's STAR WARS." He started singing the theme song of Star Wars at the top of his lungs.

Elladan walked up behind Elrohir. "Oh, it's you. I thought you were Arwen. She sings rather loudly too, especially in the shower. Anyway, Elrohir, Vader WAS Luke's father! Estel got confused with the Princess Bride.

Someone started sobbing, "Oh, my true love, I have found you!" and everyone assumed it was Elladan or Elrohir imitating the movie until they saw Arwen hugging Aragorn so tightly, she was suffocating him.  
"Oh, Aragorn, I have found you, and no one can take you away from me!!!!"

Peter Jackson entered, waving his arms in panic. "Cut, cut!! You're supposed to do that BEFORE this scene." Arwen nodded slowly as Fran Walsh dragged her off the set. "Honestly! If you had blonde hair, you would be easily confused with Legolas; you're that dumb!"  
  
Everybody yelled in horror, "NO! NOT LIKE LEGOLAS!"  
  
Legolas (who was lembas) looked up at the mention of his name, squealed, "Oh, I'm so popular!"

Peter Jackson continued to yell at Elrohir and Elladan. "Where did you come from?! I specifically didn't hire you for a reason!!"

Elrohir turned to Elladan and said, "We are unloved!"  
  
Elladan added, "Such a sad fate for being the two people who gave Gandalf gray hair."  
  
"He's Gandalf the GRAY! Of course he has gray hair," Elrohir said.  
  
Elladan smiled happily, and said, "That's why it's so much fun!"  
  
Elrohir added, "Yeah, when he is interviewed for being the world's 'most famousest of all the wizards!', we get half the credit."

Sam said, "Hey, would you people stop stealing my lines?! I have to say something original!"  
  
Frodo (seeing an opportunity) said, "Actually, Sam, if you didn't say anything at all, that would be very helpful!"  
  
Sam said, "Yes, my master, I will do everything you say! I will obey you and honor you and help you and…"

Gandalf said to Elrond, "Agent Smith… I mean, Elrond, I have an idea."  
  
Elrond irritably replied, Not now, Gandalf, I have to put a knot in my hair!"

Gandalf sighed, and said, "Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and myself are going to Mordor to destroy the one Ring! Come on, people, let's go!!"  
  
And so they went, off to Mordor...  
  
To Be Continue...  
  
A/N: I hope you enjoyed it, and I was able to make you laugh! It's a fun thing to do! Please review, and be nice. This was originally in script form, so if it sounds weird, sorry!!!


	2. The Ring Goes South and Finds Rednecks

I'm back! Everybody run!

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings. Obviously...

Thanks a million, Alavbane for your nice review!! This story is dedicated to you!!!

Other Stuff You Should Know: The reason Pippin and Merry weren't at the council was because they were planing mischief (Poor Gandalf...)

Chapter Two: The Ring Goes South (Attack of the Rednecks!!)

So the Fellowship went south (note the tittle of the chapter). Gandalf had hoped that everybody would get along once they left Rivendell, but, boy, was he wrong!!

Legolas pushed Gimli as he said, "Move over! You've in my personal space."

"Now, listen, elf. I do not follow the orders of a blonde!"

Sam said, "That's an insult to Gandalf. He can't help his hair color."

Everybody stared at Sam. Merry slowly said, "Sam, I hate to break it to you, but Gandalf it Grey!!"

Gandalf protested, "It's not my fault; blame it on Elohir and Elladan!"

"Yes! Success!"

Elrohir agreed with his brother, "Truphim!"

"Would you two just leave us alone!?" Gandalf asked impatiently.

"See, we would love to, but..."

WOULD YOU TWO JUST GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF OR SOMETHING!?!?" Peter Jackson said, waving his arms around. "PLEASE STOP BOTHING US!! WE ARE FILMING A MOVIE!!"

"Sorry!" Elrohir quickly said.

Elrohir and Elladan suddenly vanished. It's possible. They're father is ELROND!!

Aragorn started talking to Frodo. "So then there was the time Elrohir and I dyed Elrond's hair purple." Aragorn laughed hysterical "That was sooo funny!"

Frodo nodded slowly, as if he thought Aragorn was insane, "That's just hysterical, Strider."

_Suddenly, out of nowhere..._

"Birdies from Saruman come?" Merry guessed.

_No, you stupid hobbit! The Rednecks come!_

Gandalf and Aragorn (the only ones who know what the Narrator is talking about) yell, "Run for your lives! There is no escaping these insane Southerns!!!"

_The Fellowship ran, but it was too late!! _

_THE ATTACK OF THE REDNECKS!!!_

"Run, you idiots!" Gandalf yelled. "Sword won't help you now!! Not that you could actually use one in the first place, but whatever!"

"What's a Redneck?" Merry asked

I know, I know!!" Legolas yelled. "Pick me, I know the answer!!"

"Remember, the foolish one is listening! Don't give him evil ideas!" Gandalf said.

Pippin looks around, trying to figure out who the foolish one is.

"A Redneck is the most feared creature of all time..." Legolas said. "A Redneck is a blonde!!"

Silence. Gimli started to say something, but there was no more time. THE REDNECKS WERE COMING! The hobbits ducked behind a rock, and the most fearsome creature of all time said his evil words...

"Hey, y'all!"

Silence.

"Are you deaf or somethin'?"

"Say nothing!" Gandalf protested.

Pippin sneezed.

"Bleeeeeeess ya!"

Aragorn jumped out from under the boulder. "FOR THE SHIRE!!!"

Peter Jackson yelled, "NO, NO, YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE NOT A HOBBIT!! IF YOU HAVE TO YELL SOMETHING, YELL, FOR GONDOR!"

"Hey, that's my line!" Boromir protested.

"FINE, FINE. ARAGORN, THEN YOU SAY, FOR MIDDLE EARTH!"

"Then what am I suppose to say?" Gandalf asked.

"GRR! CAN'T YOU PEOPLE BE FLEXIBLE!! ARAGORN, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY AS LONG AS IT'S NO ONE ELSE'S LINE. WE CAN'T STEAL LINES! IT'S NOT NICE!"

"Yeah!" Sam agreed.

But there was no more time. The Redneck was coming!! Everybody ran into Moria...

"It's a tomb." Boromir proclaimed.

"No, it's not! It's a cemetery," Legolas protested.

"Whatever it is, I want out!" Aragorn complained, sucking his thumb.

But the evilseacreaturethingthatdoesn'thaveaname had shut them in, and they were trapped...

TBC

Drop a review if you get a chance!! I hope you enjoyed!! I'm sorry it's so short, but I'm running out of ideas, and it's late, anyway. If you think of anything I could add, let me know. Oh, and if you want to be in the story, let me know, and I'll see what I can do. Sorry the fic is random, but whatever!!!

i know it's not as funny as the first chapter, but I'm really, really tired!!! I promise the next chapter will be worth something!!!!

_Preview: Chapter Three_

_The Minds of the Mary Sues_

_Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bright shinning light came._

_"What was that?" Pippin asked._

_"A bright shinning light from nowhere," Legolas replied in awe._

_"Hello," a gorgeous elf/man/ent/hobbit/ringwraith smiled. "My name... is Sue Mary."_

_NO!!!!!!_

Very random!!

Have a nice day!


	3. The Minds of the Mary Sues

Chapter Three: The Minds of the Mary Sues

Disclaimer: Do you really think I own LotR? (sigh) No, I don't!! Stop rubbing it in!!!

**_Warning: If you like Mary Sues, I suggest you don't read this. NOW, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT IF YOU HAVE WRITTEN OR ENJOY MARY SUES, I DON'T THINK THAT'S A BAD THING!!! YOU HAVE YOUR RIGHT TO LIKE MARY SUES, GO RIGHT ON AHEAD!!!! This chapter makes fun of the 'extreme' Mary Sues, which are the MS which are so... wrong that I can't help making fun of them. THIS DOES NOT MAKE FUN OF ORIGNAL CHARACTERS!!! PLEASE DON'T BE OFFENDED IN ANY WAY!!! I LIKE ORIGNAL CHARACTERS, JUST NOT 'EXTREME MARY SUES', WHICH ARE THE MS WHICH ARE SO UNREALITIC!! PLEASE DON'T BE OFFENDED!!_**

**__**

The Fellowship walked into the Mines of Moria. (wonderful opening sentence, don't you think so?)

"It's so dark!" Pippin complained.

"SHHH!" Gandalf yelled at him. "I hear something..."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, was a LOUD scream.

"OH MY GOD!!! IT'S LEGOLAS!!! AHHHH!!"

And... the fangirls came.

NO!!!!!

Legolas began to run... FAST!!! Of course, it was pitch black, and he didn't get too far. The girls began to kiss him, and he smirked at Aragorn.

Gimli rolled his eyes. "Elves!"

Then, there was another shriek.

"Aragorn!! I love you, I swear I will never leave you like Arwen did."

And Aragorn ran... very fast!!!

There was no hope for the Fellowship. They were surrounded by insane fangirls, and Legolas and Aragorn weren't going to last much longer.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bright shinning light came.

"What was that?" Pippin asked.

"A bright shinning light from nowhere," Legolas replied in awe.

"Hello," a gorgeous elf/man/ent/hobbit/ringwraith smiled. "My name... is Sue Mary."

Gandalf gasped in horror. He had met one of theses... long ago.

Legolas and Aragorn started. They were insnared by her huge blue/green/violet/brown/orange/red eyes. Even the hobbits couldn't speak or more.

"I am the daughter of Elrond and Galadriel." (A/N: VERY, VERY SCARY!!!!) she said. "Note the elvish name."

The entire fellowship stared at her. She was beautiful, she was all-powerful, she was...

Only Gandalf could see her for what she really was. He through himself at her, and began to battle with her. Sue Mary's once sweet voice was now like a ringwraiths!!!! The two battles, and Gandalf yelled, "Run, you fools!!"

The fellowship blinked once, and ran for their lives.

Once they were safely out of the Minds of Moria (A/N: Yes, I KNOW that is spelled wrong), they began to run to Lothlorien.

"There is an evil witch there!" Gimli said.

"Nothing can be worse than you," Legolas replied.

"Now, you listen, you elf--."

Suddenly, Haldir showed up. "The dwarf were breathing so loudly, we could have..." He paused. "What was my line again?"

Aragorn rolled his eyes. "Haldir, for someone who talks so much, you sure think of anything to say."

Frodo reached into his pocket to hold the Ring for no other reason but to kill time. But the Ring was gone!!!!!

"My ring!! You stole it, my precious!"

"Frodo, remember we didn't have the Ring to start out with?" Pippin whispered.

"Pippin, you can be really stupid sometimes. How do you know stuff like that?"

Pippin shurgged. "I'm really Sauron in discuise."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Can we get back to Haldir, please?" he asked. "I want to get back to the Shire in time to fight Fishy."

Everybody looked at Merry. "It was Sharky," Merry said, rolling his eyes.

"Come!" Haldir said. "I will take you to Lady G."

"Lady G?" Gimli asked. "Is that a cave?"

Everybody looked at him strangely, trying to figure out how he got from Galadriel to caves. For that matter, I don't even know how he got from Galadriel to caves. It must be a dwarf thing...

So Haldir tied up their ankles (standard procedure). He led the way, as the Fellowship hopped along, trying to keep up. Of course, climing trees was hard to to, considering that their ankles were tied.

"I present to you... Lady G," Haldir said.

There was a flash of light, then...

"Oh? Is it my turn to go on?"

Peter Jackson rolled his eyes. "Why me, why me, why me?"

Galadriel walked into the room.

"Galadreil!" Aragorn exclaimed. "What did you do?"

"I fell into my bird bath," she replied.

There stood Lady Galadriel... the Balrog!!!

Please review!! Be nice!!!

Avalbane, I am so honored you have me was one of your favorite authors!!! Wow, I can't believe it!!!

Sorry, I don't have Chapter Four written yet, and school is crazy, so it may be a while!!!! But I do have the chapter title--Chapter Four: The Breaking of the Muffin.

Very random!! Have a nice day!!!


	4. The Breaking of THE Muffin

Hey, all, I'm back!!!!! I haven't died!!

Thank you to everyone who review!! It means to a lot to me!!!!!

I don't own LotR. But I do own a copy of the books. Does that count as owning at least part of it?!?!?!

This chapter takes place after the Fellowship leaves Lothlorien. Yeah, I know I didn't have the Bird Bath... I mean, the Mirror in the story, but let's just say Galadriel broke it when she looked into it as a Balrog. I might add more later, but I doubt it.

And now, I present to you: Chapter Four: The Breaking of the Muffin

* * *

Everybody was very glad to leave Lothlorien. Of course, when they ran into orcs, no body was very happy, but they hadn't run into orcs yet, so it didn't really matter. ANYWAY... 

"Where is Frodo?" Aragorn asked.

"He went with Boromir, who is trying to steal the Ring," Pippin said.

"WHAT!?! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!?!?!" Aragorn yelled, angry that he didn't get a chance to steal the Ring... I mean, he was angry because he didn't want Boromir to get the Ring, yeah, that was it!!!

"It doesn't really matter," Pippin said, shrugging his shoulders. "Frodo doesn't even have the Ring."

"I KNEW ELLIE STOLE IT!!!" Aragorn roared.

"Breath, Strider," Merry said, backing away.

Suddenly, there was a loud scream.

"OH MY GOSH!!! YOU STOLE MY MUFFIN!!!!" Frodo yelled at Boromir.

"I did not!! It was... Faramir! That's it, it was Faramir!!"

"I KNOW YOU ARE LYING!!!! YOU STOLE IT, AND YOU MUST EITHER GIVE IT TO ME OR DIE!!!!!"

"Is there a third option?" Boromir asked.

"NO, YOU STUPID MAN!!! NOW GIVE IT TO ME!!!"

"I know!" Boromir said. "We can split it in half. See, my Dad needs it because he's obsessed with muffins. I mean, WE NEED IT TO SAE OUR PEOPLE!!!"

"Whatever," Sam said.

Boromir gave Frodo half of the muffin.

**_"OH MY GOSH!!!!! YOU BROKE MY MUFFIN!!!! IN TWO PIECES!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_**

Boromir then decided to run. Pippin and Merry ran after him, but they were captured by stupid, muffin stealers... I mean, evil and insane orcs!!!! Boromir died trying to get the other half of the muffin from Frodo... I mean, he died heroically to save the halfings!!!

"Mr. Frodo, sir," Sam said. "I heard there are a lot of muffins in Mordor!!!"

And the two went off, in search for muffins. Little did they know that Gollum also loved muffin (but he prefered cupcakes), but that's in the next chapter, yes my love, it is!!

OKAY, so Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli went off in search of the evil-muffin-stealers... I mean, the evil orcs to save Pippin and Merry. Of course, nothing ever goes the three stalkers... I mean, the thee hunters way, and they ran into Gandalf... the Pink!!!

"Whoa!" Legolas said. "Legally Blonde Three... Return of the Pink!"

Everybody looked at him stangely, wondering why he watched Legally Blonde.

"ANYWAY," Gandalf said, "We must go to Rohan even if we die doing it because Aragorn has to meet Eowyn because Elrond asked me to introduce the two so Aragorn will stop dating Arwen because then she will die from shook of how dirty he really is... I mean, die from immortality. Not that you can actually die from immortaily because immortaily means you live forever!! ONWARD!!!!"

So the four went to Rohan. Boy, where the Rohanians in for a surprise...!

* * *

Please review, and please forgive for my randomness!!

I just have to say that chocolate chip muffins are the best!!! Yum, they are awesome!!

OKAY, sometimes I scare myself with my randomness!! Have a nice day!!!!


	5. Go Ham!

Chapter Five: Go ham!

Disclaimer: I don't own LotR, but I DO own this plot!! Enjoy!!

Thanks a million to everybody who review!! I'll have review response at the end of the chapter!!

Enjoy!!

Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli went to Rohan… except they found out that Theoden changed the name to: Go ham! You see, Theoden really, REALLY loved ham, so he decided that he would rename his country. Seems okay to me…

So Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli entered Go ham. Suddenly, Eowyn appeared.

"Hi!" she said in a really, really high pitched voice. "Welcome to Go ham! Which of you is Aragorn? See, I'm suppose to throw myself at you because Elrond employed me… I mean, I have an awful life, and I need comfort."

Aragorn then decided it would be best if he ran—far. But he loved ham just a LITTLE too much to leave Go ham. So he stayed.

"OKAY, then," Gandalf said, "Where's the King?"

"Disneyland," Eowyn replied, smiling at Aragorn. Three of her teeth were missing.

"OKAY," Gandalf said (again!) "What about your brother, Bob?"

"Bob was kicked out by Wormtail."

"CUT, CUT," Peter Jackson, once again, ran on the set. "WORM_TAIL_ IS IN HARRY POTTER!!! WORM_TONGUE_ IS THE RIGHT PERSON!! But you should call him Grima so we confuse more people! On with the show."

"OKAY," Gandalf said. "We're going to Helms Deep. I mean, YOU are going to Helms Deep. I'm going to Disneyland."

"WHAT?!" Gimli roared. "THAT'S NOT FAIR!!"

"Deal with it," Gandalf replied, and rode off.

"OKAY," Aragorn said. "To Helms Deep."

"OKAY!" Eoywn said. She grabbed her 'Bob the Builder' hat and her 'Handy-Dandy Notebook' (TM) (to play tic-tac-toe with Gimli) and off they went.

It was a long, boring journey. Legolas began to count the number of hair products he had used since last Christmas, Gimli and Eowyn played tic-tac-toe, Aragorn talked to his horse, and everybody else walked.

THE END

Just kidding… it's an Agent Smith thing…

OKAY, then, when they got to Helms Depp… I mean, DEEP! they waited for orcs… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they ate some chocolate… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited…

And then… they waited some more… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited… and they waited…

And then… they ate chocolate. And coffee. Legolas then proceeded with singing about his hair, Gimli giggled hysterically, and Aragorn took a bath. Gandalf then came riding up in his truck. When Eowyn saw him, she screamed! He had a tan! (Ahhh… bad mental image!) Gandalf told everybody how much fun Disneyland was and he was very… er SURPRISED to find them still alive.

"The orcs didn't come," Legolas said.

"You're green hair must have scared them away," Gandalf muttered.

"HEY!! It was a good idea at the time! At least I don't have white hair!!"

"At least I'm not bald!" Gandalf shouted at Eowyn. Aragorn and Gimli gave Gandalf strange looks, but Eowyn just blushed. Her hair did kind of look like a wig…

"Well, I guess we'll drop in on Saurman and see how he's doing."

"Why?" Aragorn asked.

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!!" Peter Jackson yelled!

"But what if the orcs come while we're away?" Gimli asked.

"The orcs won't come," Legolas said.

But something even worse than the orcs came… the Teletubbies!

Well, that's the end of chapter 5!! I thought I should mention that I truly love _Lord of the Ring_ and everybody who helped make it… but it's so much fun making fun of other people!:) I love what Peter Jackson did with Lord of the Rings, but I had to add the line 'because I said so' because some of the movie you're thinking, "Haldir? In Helms Deep? O….. KAY!"

Wow… I just covered ALL of Two Towers in one chapter.:) That's cool!

Review Response:

**FlameTalon: **Thank you! I hope you like this chapter!

**Aramis-chan: **Yeah, they're insane but in character… I think that tells you something… like they all really _are_ insane! Thank you!

**Rhys: **Yes, I have a bad feeling about it, too! And I'm _suppose_ to be in control of it, lol! Ideas just come to me, and sometimes I think, "Where did THAT come from!?" Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the carrot! It will be used well sneaks up behind Elrond, yells 'for the Shire!' and prevents him from sending any more hobbits to Mordor :)

**Avalon Estel: **Thanks for reviewing! Laughing hysterically is fun!:) The best part about 'hey, y'all' is that's how ALL my relatives talk, lol! They were the source of inspiration for that line!!

**Piratica: **Thank you! I'm glad you got that line! I was wondering how many people would get that. The funny thing about 'hi, y'all' is that's how ALL my relatives talk, lol! No, I'm not going to explain pink and muffins. I'm thinking about your sanity!

Thanks a million to everybody who reviewed! I'm sorry this took so long to update, but I was running out of ideas. If anybody comes up with anything random that I could use, I would really appreciate it!

Malara :)


	6. The End of Insantiy almost

Chapter Six: In which Malara is sent to the funny farm (finally…)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own LotR. I don't own the Teletubbies. I don't own the "run away" or the "killer bunny" idea. "Run away" belongs to Monty Python and the Holy Grail (you haven't seen it? YOU MUST WATCH IT!) and the bunny idea belongs to **Auto Miqula Orqu. **

I would like to thank everybody who has review:

**Aramis-chan **

**Auto Miqula Orqu **

**Avalbane **

**Avalon Estel **

**FlameTalon **

**Ids-sunshinegrl **

**LittleCrazy1 **

**Mr. Random **

**Piratica **

**Rhys **

Thank you so much for your kind words! You really encourage me to write.

And so, I give you the final chapter…

* * *

The Teletubbies sang their song. 

"Gandalf…" Aragorn moaned. "Make it STOP!"

"Of course! RUN AWAY!"

The entire cast and crew… RAN AWAY! into a cave. Then… the pink killer bunny attacked!

"Awwww…" Legolas said. "It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute!"

"Poor guy," Gimli muttered. "He's lost it."

Gandalf muttered something like, "Haven't we all?"

* * *

Malara laughed hysterically. "Haha, this is so much fun!" she exclaimed. "Next, the killer bunny can have laser eyes and…" 

A knock on the door caused her to stop brainstorming.

"Yes?"

The ENTIRE cast and crew of Lord of the Rings stood in her backyard, all glaring.

"Uhhh… hi, guys!" She then decided it would be best if she ran out the window. Then, she gasped. "I don't know how… but they've found me!"

"Miss Malara, could you just wait for a minute?" A tall man hid the straight jacket behind his back. A second guy walked up behind Malara with a shock collar.

The ENTIRE cast and crew of Lord of the Rings and the people from the funny farm (where the chickens tell great jokes!) began to chase Malara.

"Bye, guys!"

The spectators of this incident are unsure as to what exactly happened. There was a lot of dancing, yelling, bungee-cord jumping, and the worst of all… the Telletubes continued to sing.

* * *

HAHA, it's over! I'm sorry, but I had to end it… I have other fics I want to work on. Be prepared for lots of one-shot parodies being posted soon! 

I'm sorry it's so short, but I needed to end it. Thank you SOOOOOOO much (my monkeys… I sound like Leggy! ((falls over from shock)) ) for reading! Please review!

Review Response:

**Avalon Estel: **Awww… thank you! ((hugs)) You made my day (and the monster story you wrote… PRICELESS!). People like you really encourage me to contiune to write! Thank you so much!

**Mr. Random: **Thank you! I'm glad you like it!

**Rhys: ((**grins while holding carrot)) Thank you! Why _did_ you give me a carrot? Hehe, Elrond IS going to kill me! ;) Thank you for reviewing!

**Auto Miqula Orqu: **Here are you pink bunnies! Have you seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail? BEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD! Haha, I love it! Thank you for reviewing!

Have a great day!

Malara :)


End file.
